Sexuality and Gender: Some Terms for Allies

The landscape of sexuality and gender continues to unfold. As I write this, I am aware that this document could already be out-of-date. For some people who fall into normative sexuality and gender categories, understanding and supporting the people in their lives who are part of sexual or gender minorities can feel daunting. Fears of offending the people you love can silence you. Not knowing where to start or how can be confusing. The terms below may help familiarize you, so you have a better sense of the vocabulary and what it means.

Global Terms

2SLGBTQIAP+ – Two-spirit, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual – the plus (+) ensures that the definition will always be inclusive of all identities, so everyone feels welcomed

Ally – someone who is not a part of a sexual or gender minority but wants to support the community

Queer – an inclusive non-gendered term for anyone living outside dominant sexuality and gender norms

Sex – in this context sex is a biological description of male or female: genetic, chromosomal, biological, hormonal, anatomical

SGM – sexual and gender minorities

Sexuality

Asexual – someone who has little or no interest in sexual behaviour, may still be interested in romantic relationships

Bicurious/questioning – these terms refer to people who are exploring their sexuality: bi-curious suggesting sexual experimentation, questioning connoting identity seeking

Bisexual (Bi) – people who are attracted to both men and women

Gay – colloquial term for homosexual men; but may also be used to describe anyone attracted to their same gender

Heterosexual – people who are physically and emotionally attracted to people of the opposite sex

Homosexual – people who are physically and emotionally attracted to people of the same sex (*those within the community tend to prefer terms like gay, lesbian as homosexual has taken on a negative connotation)

Lesbian – colloquial term specifically for homosexual women

Orientation – sexual orientation (referring to heterosexual, homosexual etc.) is not the same as gender or gender identity (referring to cis, trans, non-binary etc.)

Pansexual (Pan) – a sexual orientation that is not gender-based; someone interested in persons regardless of being male, female, trans etc.

Straight – colloquial term for heterosexual people

Two-spirit – another gender found in Indigenous cultures, referring to both masculine and feminine spirits

Types of Sexual Relationships

Monogamous – having only one mate, partner, or sexual partner at one time

Non-monogamous - A sexual relationship that allows expression or affection with other partners. This may present itself in many forms and many kinds of lifestyles including but not limited to swinging, polyamory, polygamy, open relationships, or simply couples having an occasional threesome.

Polyamorous - The practice, state, or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.

Polygamy – having more than one spouse at a time

Gender

Agender – someone who sees themselves as existing outside the dominant concepts of male and female gender, or sees themselves as genderless

Androgynous – someone who has elements of masculinity and femininity in their gender presentation

Cisgender (Cis) – a person whose gender identity matches their biological sex assigned at birth

Gender expression – the way people express their gender identity to the world

Gender fluid – a person whose gender identity is not fixed. Gender fluid people prefer to remain flexible about their gender: some dress in ways that reflect both genders at the same time, others may dress as one gender expression one day and another on another day 

Gender identity – how a person experiences their gender, may or may not be the same as their biological sex

Gender Non-Conforming - an umbrella term covering genders outside the binary, including but not limited to those who may not be comfortable identifying with labels like nonbinary, agender, etc.

Intersex - persons with biological characteristics that don’t fit the traditional dichotomy of male/female. Intersex is the more politically correct term for the old medical term ‘hermaphrodite’.

Nonbinary – people who have a gender identity that does not fit in the binary of male/female

Transgender (Trans) – an umbrella term that incorporates many identities outside socially defined gender norms

Pronouns

The shift in using pronouns differently and using different pronouns has been hotly discussed. It is an issue of expanding our vocabulary to include words that help people define themselves in ways that feel appropriate for them. Our vocabulary is always evolving. Why should this be any different?

They/Them – gender neutral pronouns that can be used to refer to someone who is transgender or who doesn’t feel comfortable being addressed with feminine or masculine pronouns

Neopronouns (eg. Ze/Zir) - gender neutral pronouns that can be used to refer to someone who is transgender or who doesn’t feel comfortable being addressed with feminine or masculine pronouns

The vocabulary is a lot to take in if you are unfamiliar. Give yourself time to get acquainted with the new ideas and words. Ask questions of the people in your life who you are trying to understand better. I invite you to approach this expansion of our understanding of humanity with curiosity and love.